Awesome new album from Dangermouse. Get it right now! Perfect for lounging at the beach or on a rooftop. Seriously, you will be a better person for it.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I have a blog?????
My last post was pretty ominous.What can I say? I've been busy. The check is in the mail. Piss off! I'm not making excuses. But I'm back now and I promise to be better to you. OK?
Friday, February 12, 2010
T-minus 8 Days
The date is getting close and I'm getting excited. First member of my clone army. Can't wait for a bunch of creepy kids that look like me to terrorize the neighborhood. Oooh, I think I just got excited at the prospect of having an army of street urchins to do my bidding. I imagine that other families in the neighborhood would cross the street at the sight of my brood, but thats okay.
I'm rubbing my hands together in a manner that would make Rupert Murdoch and Mr. Burns proud. Excellent! For a further example of what I'm talking about watch the video below, set to music.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Today Show Ewoks
Al Roker as fat Han Solo? Harrison Ford must be rolling in his grave right now. Its a major stretch, but God bless these little drunken ewoks. I could watch this all day long. The moonwalk is pure gold. May the booze be with you.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Mazeltov!
I would like to take this time to give thanks where thanks is due. This summer my wife and I were out enjoying a cocktail or three at our local, Thai O'Briens (Thai restaurant in front and Irish bar in the back) when we met Ursula. Dressed in white thigh high go-go boots and a short wig. Ursula was a dancing machine!
It also turns out that Ursula was a man, with hands that could crack lobsters. We watched as she worked her way down the bar dancing and talking/disturbing various people. We giggled until we realized that It wouldn't take very long for Ursula to make her way to us. Words cant describe the look on my wife's face as she was being dragged off to the dance floor by a tranny to 80's synth songs.
Pure Magic! I highly recommend it. The song ended and my wife and Ursula returned from the dance floor.
Something was wrong. It seems like she had reached the end of the bar and was staying.
"I like you guys"
"Oh No", I said
"I'm really a man. Some times I dress up and come here"
not really a surprise there, but she also said she had a boyfriend.
"A boyfriend?" I said.
She then explained how she didn't have to pay for anything or suck dick and produced some fake pearls and a fake fur for us to examine.
I tried to debate the value of fake fur vs real fur, but quickly realized it was a lose lose for everyone involved.
Ursula told my wife she needed to learn how to shake "it", in order to keep me interested. I laughed and thought Ursula had a valid point.
I guess it was at that point that Ursula felt we were close enough to ask me to go outside and "smoke some of this rock". I politely declined, so she washed down two white ecstasy pills with a long island iced tea instead. Pills, Wigs and Long Island Ice Teas. Her eyes looked like someone had just pulled the lever on a slot machine and her eyes were spinning. I was hoping for three pineapples when Ursula turned to me and my wife and said,
"You Need to take her home right now and impregnate her".
At the time, it sounded more like a threat. A romantic one, but a threat nontheless. So, I agreed. The crazy thing is that it worked. I'd like to take this moment to thank thank you, Ursula. wherever you are. You'll always have a special place.
It also turns out that Ursula was a man, with hands that could crack lobsters. We watched as she worked her way down the bar dancing and talking/disturbing various people. We giggled until we realized that It wouldn't take very long for Ursula to make her way to us. Words cant describe the look on my wife's face as she was being dragged off to the dance floor by a tranny to 80's synth songs.
Pure Magic! I highly recommend it. The song ended and my wife and Ursula returned from the dance floor.
Something was wrong. It seems like she had reached the end of the bar and was staying.
"I like you guys"
"Oh No", I said
"I'm really a man. Some times I dress up and come here"
not really a surprise there, but she also said she had a boyfriend.
"A boyfriend?" I said.
She then explained how she didn't have to pay for anything or suck dick and produced some fake pearls and a fake fur for us to examine.
I tried to debate the value of fake fur vs real fur, but quickly realized it was a lose lose for everyone involved.
Ursula told my wife she needed to learn how to shake "it", in order to keep me interested. I laughed and thought Ursula had a valid point.
I guess it was at that point that Ursula felt we were close enough to ask me to go outside and "smoke some of this rock". I politely declined, so she washed down two white ecstasy pills with a long island iced tea instead. Pills, Wigs and Long Island Ice Teas. Her eyes looked like someone had just pulled the lever on a slot machine and her eyes were spinning. I was hoping for three pineapples when Ursula turned to me and my wife and said,
"You Need to take her home right now and impregnate her".
At the time, it sounded more like a threat. A romantic one, but a threat nontheless. So, I agreed. The crazy thing is that it worked. I'd like to take this moment to thank thank you, Ursula. wherever you are. You'll always have a special place.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
We all fall down sometimes....
Just not as often as this guy. It takes me until at least 2 PM to get this fall down drunk. My hat is off to you sir.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
No Attitudes
I meant to post this a while ago. I found this flyer in a diner and thought what self respecting Satan's Disciple would go get his bike blessed. This was strictly for the weekend warriors. Oh Bayonne! You've done it again.
Friday, September 4, 2009
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