Al Roker as fat Han Solo? Harrison Ford must be rolling in his grave right now. Its a major stretch, but God bless these little drunken ewoks. I could watch this all day long. The moonwalk is pure gold. May the booze be with you.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Mazeltov!
I would like to take this time to give thanks where thanks is due. This summer my wife and I were out enjoying a cocktail or three at our local, Thai O'Briens (Thai restaurant in front and Irish bar in the back) when we met Ursula. Dressed in white thigh high go-go boots and a short wig. Ursula was a dancing machine!
It also turns out that Ursula was a man, with hands that could crack lobsters. We watched as she worked her way down the bar dancing and talking/disturbing various people. We giggled until we realized that It wouldn't take very long for Ursula to make her way to us. Words cant describe the look on my wife's face as she was being dragged off to the dance floor by a tranny to 80's synth songs.
Pure Magic! I highly recommend it. The song ended and my wife and Ursula returned from the dance floor.
Something was wrong. It seems like she had reached the end of the bar and was staying.
"I like you guys"
"Oh No", I said
"I'm really a man. Some times I dress up and come here"
not really a surprise there, but she also said she had a boyfriend.
"A boyfriend?" I said.
She then explained how she didn't have to pay for anything or suck dick and produced some fake pearls and a fake fur for us to examine.
I tried to debate the value of fake fur vs real fur, but quickly realized it was a lose lose for everyone involved.
Ursula told my wife she needed to learn how to shake "it", in order to keep me interested. I laughed and thought Ursula had a valid point.
I guess it was at that point that Ursula felt we were close enough to ask me to go outside and "smoke some of this rock". I politely declined, so she washed down two white ecstasy pills with a long island iced tea instead. Pills, Wigs and Long Island Ice Teas. Her eyes looked like someone had just pulled the lever on a slot machine and her eyes were spinning. I was hoping for three pineapples when Ursula turned to me and my wife and said,
"You Need to take her home right now and impregnate her".
At the time, it sounded more like a threat. A romantic one, but a threat nontheless. So, I agreed. The crazy thing is that it worked. I'd like to take this moment to thank thank you, Ursula. wherever you are. You'll always have a special place.
It also turns out that Ursula was a man, with hands that could crack lobsters. We watched as she worked her way down the bar dancing and talking/disturbing various people. We giggled until we realized that It wouldn't take very long for Ursula to make her way to us. Words cant describe the look on my wife's face as she was being dragged off to the dance floor by a tranny to 80's synth songs.
Pure Magic! I highly recommend it. The song ended and my wife and Ursula returned from the dance floor.
Something was wrong. It seems like she had reached the end of the bar and was staying.
"I like you guys"
"Oh No", I said
"I'm really a man. Some times I dress up and come here"
not really a surprise there, but she also said she had a boyfriend.
"A boyfriend?" I said.
She then explained how she didn't have to pay for anything or suck dick and produced some fake pearls and a fake fur for us to examine.
I tried to debate the value of fake fur vs real fur, but quickly realized it was a lose lose for everyone involved.
Ursula told my wife she needed to learn how to shake "it", in order to keep me interested. I laughed and thought Ursula had a valid point.
I guess it was at that point that Ursula felt we were close enough to ask me to go outside and "smoke some of this rock". I politely declined, so she washed down two white ecstasy pills with a long island iced tea instead. Pills, Wigs and Long Island Ice Teas. Her eyes looked like someone had just pulled the lever on a slot machine and her eyes were spinning. I was hoping for three pineapples when Ursula turned to me and my wife and said,
"You Need to take her home right now and impregnate her".
At the time, it sounded more like a threat. A romantic one, but a threat nontheless. So, I agreed. The crazy thing is that it worked. I'd like to take this moment to thank thank you, Ursula. wherever you are. You'll always have a special place.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
We all fall down sometimes....
Just not as often as this guy. It takes me until at least 2 PM to get this fall down drunk. My hat is off to you sir.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
No Attitudes
I meant to post this a while ago. I found this flyer in a diner and thought what self respecting Satan's Disciple would go get his bike blessed. This was strictly for the weekend warriors. Oh Bayonne! You've done it again.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Moondog & The London Saxophonic "Bird's Lament"
Moondog was the pseudonym of Louis Thomas Hardin (May 26, 1916 – September 8, 1999), a blind American composer, musician, cosmologist, poet, and inventor of several musical instruments. Although these achievements would have been considered extraordinary for any blind person, Moondog further removed himself from society through his decision to make his home on the streets of New York for approximately twenty of the thirty years he spent in the city. The public began to appreciate the extent of Moondog's talents only in the final decades of Moondog's life, primarily because of his stubborn refusal to wear anything other than his own home-made clothes,[citation needed] all based on his own interpretation of the Norse god Thor. Indeed, he was known for much of his life as "The Viking of 6th Avenue". Badddasss!
Well, This Isn't Going to Get Anyone Excited....
I introduce to you Chris Dagget. An independent running for Governor of NJ. I LOVE the idea of an independent as governor, but I wish he had more pizzaz. This is New Jersey, you cannot run as the good guy candidate. The state has just been rocked with a million counts of corruption and you don't want to get into name calling? POLITICIAN PLEASE!!! Now is the time to be forceful and stand up for the people in this state who have to put up with this stuff. I don't think anyone got anywhere in this state by being polite.
Check out Chris Daggett's website here.
http://daggettforgovernor.com/wordpress/
Saturday, August 22, 2009
DeLonghi Air Conditioners Suck
Amazon would not let post the following review.
***BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK***
I purchased this DeLonghi PAC A120E a year ago when my wife and I needed a stand up air conditioner unit. I should have read the reviews here because it started leaking water all over our carpet and hardwood floor. This unit has been in operation for 3 months and it has broken down and has ruined a 150 dollar carpet. I have tried to contact the customer service for DeLonghi but it is useless. The nearest service center is 75 miles away from my house and is NOT open on weekends. The company does not pay for shipping or send a technician out. DeLonghi is unwilling to help or provide any kind assistance in this matter. Why should they? They already got paid. Our local repair shop will not touch these units and will cost about 200 dollars to replace the part. Please keep in mind this unit is still in warrantee. We are left with a VERY EXPENSIVE PIECE OF JUNK (a 700 dollar piece of junk). They say it is NOT their policy to ship or pay for shipping to their service center. Its a great scam. If I could give this product a negative number I would. SAVE YOUR MONEY. I will NEVER buy a DeLonghi product again. I just want to reiterate what an absolute inconvienece this is. It is the hottest week of the summer and my thermostat has reached 93 in my living room. So, thanks DeLonghi for that. I'm sweating as I type this and I bet your CEO is sitting somewhere very cool and perspiration free.
PS. I am not exaggerating and have not had any previous problems with DeLonghi, but they have been awful to deal with.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Barney Frank's verbal bitch slap
People really need to stop with the Obama is doing what Hitler did argument. It's insulting to Nazi's and more importantly Hitler. Hitler worked pretty hard to be the bright and shining example of evil. So please stop. You're making Hitler cry.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Keith Olbermann On Health Care Reform
Our representatives are failing us. These guys should have to shop around for their own medical plan.
From Leonard Lance's website. NJ Congressman.
http://lance.house.gov/index.cfm?sectionid=29§iontree=7,29&itemid=195
Right now, there is great debate in Congress about how we go about dramatically reforming health care in this country.
Most congressional Democrats and Republicans agree: Health care costs have been skyrocketing for far too long, overwhelming the middle class and businesses during these difficult economic times.
For my part, I have been traveling throughout New Jersey's 7th Congressional District meeting with doctors, hospitals, senior citizens, small businesses and working families alike as part of a health care listening session.
The feedback has been almost universally the same: We need real health care reform to reduce costs for families and small businesses in need while expanding access and increasing the quality of care in a way we can afford.
That's why I was so disappointed when last week the Democratic Leadership released its health care reform plan.
The measure is a $1.5 trillion government takeover of health care that will lead to fewer jobs, higher taxes and less health coverage for New Jerseyeans.
Under the plan, the federal government would be responsible for ensuring that all people, regardless of income or the state of their health, have access to an affordable insurance plan. Individuals and employers would be mandated to get health coverage or face hefty penalties.
To help pay for this mandate in coverage, the Democrats' plan calls for raising taxes on many New Jersey individuals, families and small businesses to levels not seen since the 1980s.
It is no wonder that a broad coalition of job-creating groups representing chambers of commerce, small businesses, home builders and manufacturers have come out strongly against the proposed health care bill.
This type of mandated "public option" is nothing more than Washington-speak for a government-run health care where the federal government stands between doctors and patients and important life-saving treatments for patients are denied based solely on cost.
Most concerning to me is the fact that the Democrats' health care bill would increase, not reduce, our nation's burgeoning long-term health costs.
According to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO), instead of saving the federal government from fiscal catastrophe, the Democrats' health care proposal would worsen an already bleak budget outlook, increasing deficit projections and driving the nation more deeply into debt. The CBO is the official arbiter of the costs of legislation in Congress.
There is a better way.
Earlier this summer, I joined members of the Republican centrist "Tuesday Group" in the House of Representatives in offering a proposal to reduce health care costs, protect and expand access to care and increase the quality of care in a way Americans can afford -- without new taxes, costly mandates or a government takeover of health care.
The centrist alternative is a better way toward real reform without raising taxes on New Jersey's working families, adding to the federal debt or jeopardizing employer-provided health coverage.
The bill, known as the "Medical Rights and Reform Act," would mandate a fundamental principle -- the government should not come between patients and their doctors.
This act would protect all Americans' relationship with their doctors, the integrity of the medical profession and the right of Americans to choose the care they deem appropriate without federal delay or restriction.
To lower health care costs, the act would foster state innovation through insurance market reforms, high-risk pools, community health networks and new association options for small businesses.
The bill also includes: lawsuit reforms to end the practice of defensive medicine and ensure fair compensation for injured patients; acceleration of health information technology programs to improve the quality of care and reduce errors; strong standards and processes to target waste, fraud and abuse; targeted prevention and wellness programs to address costly chronic diseases and promote healthy living; and greater tax incentives for individuals and small businesses to buy health insurance.
Our alternative plan expands access to Americans without health insurance by providing greater incentives to small businesses to cover their employees; encouraging state-centered insurance market reforms; giving low-income families the option to use public funds to purchase private health insurance plans; enhancing Health Savings Accounts; allowing young adults to remain dependents on their parents' plans; and expanding rural health care programs.
I believe health care reform is too important to get wrong, and Americans deserve better solutions than those coming out of Washington.
Democrats should put aside their $1.5 trillion health care tax hike plan and take a hard look at the affordable and effective Medical Rights and Reform Act.
Together we can find real solutions to make health care more affordable in a fiscally responsible way.
(Leonard Lance, a Republican, represents New Jersey's 7th District in the House of Representatives.
From Leonard Lance's website. NJ Congressman.
http://lance.house.gov/index.cfm?sectionid=29§iontree=7,29&itemid=195
Right now, there is great debate in Congress about how we go about dramatically reforming health care in this country.
Most congressional Democrats and Republicans agree: Health care costs have been skyrocketing for far too long, overwhelming the middle class and businesses during these difficult economic times.
For my part, I have been traveling throughout New Jersey's 7th Congressional District meeting with doctors, hospitals, senior citizens, small businesses and working families alike as part of a health care listening session.
The feedback has been almost universally the same: We need real health care reform to reduce costs for families and small businesses in need while expanding access and increasing the quality of care in a way we can afford.
That's why I was so disappointed when last week the Democratic Leadership released its health care reform plan.
The measure is a $1.5 trillion government takeover of health care that will lead to fewer jobs, higher taxes and less health coverage for New Jerseyeans.
Under the plan, the federal government would be responsible for ensuring that all people, regardless of income or the state of their health, have access to an affordable insurance plan. Individuals and employers would be mandated to get health coverage or face hefty penalties.
To help pay for this mandate in coverage, the Democrats' plan calls for raising taxes on many New Jersey individuals, families and small businesses to levels not seen since the 1980s.
It is no wonder that a broad coalition of job-creating groups representing chambers of commerce, small businesses, home builders and manufacturers have come out strongly against the proposed health care bill.
This type of mandated "public option" is nothing more than Washington-speak for a government-run health care where the federal government stands between doctors and patients and important life-saving treatments for patients are denied based solely on cost.
Most concerning to me is the fact that the Democrats' health care bill would increase, not reduce, our nation's burgeoning long-term health costs.
According to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO), instead of saving the federal government from fiscal catastrophe, the Democrats' health care proposal would worsen an already bleak budget outlook, increasing deficit projections and driving the nation more deeply into debt. The CBO is the official arbiter of the costs of legislation in Congress.
There is a better way.
Earlier this summer, I joined members of the Republican centrist "Tuesday Group" in the House of Representatives in offering a proposal to reduce health care costs, protect and expand access to care and increase the quality of care in a way Americans can afford -- without new taxes, costly mandates or a government takeover of health care.
The centrist alternative is a better way toward real reform without raising taxes on New Jersey's working families, adding to the federal debt or jeopardizing employer-provided health coverage.
The bill, known as the "Medical Rights and Reform Act," would mandate a fundamental principle -- the government should not come between patients and their doctors.
This act would protect all Americans' relationship with their doctors, the integrity of the medical profession and the right of Americans to choose the care they deem appropriate without federal delay or restriction.
To lower health care costs, the act would foster state innovation through insurance market reforms, high-risk pools, community health networks and new association options for small businesses.
The bill also includes: lawsuit reforms to end the practice of defensive medicine and ensure fair compensation for injured patients; acceleration of health information technology programs to improve the quality of care and reduce errors; strong standards and processes to target waste, fraud and abuse; targeted prevention and wellness programs to address costly chronic diseases and promote healthy living; and greater tax incentives for individuals and small businesses to buy health insurance.
Our alternative plan expands access to Americans without health insurance by providing greater incentives to small businesses to cover their employees; encouraging state-centered insurance market reforms; giving low-income families the option to use public funds to purchase private health insurance plans; enhancing Health Savings Accounts; allowing young adults to remain dependents on their parents' plans; and expanding rural health care programs.
I believe health care reform is too important to get wrong, and Americans deserve better solutions than those coming out of Washington.
Democrats should put aside their $1.5 trillion health care tax hike plan and take a hard look at the affordable and effective Medical Rights and Reform Act.
Together we can find real solutions to make health care more affordable in a fiscally responsible way.
(Leonard Lance, a Republican, represents New Jersey's 7th District in the House of Representatives.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Welcome To The Heartbreak Hotel
So it's been a week since I've got the trap from the city of Bayonne
and i've got some results to report. I've caught a total of six
cats this week. I caught three the first day. Now, I fully expect
to be awarded the key to the city or named cat catcher of the
month for my efforts in capturing these ferocious beasts. Can
one man make a difference I figured that would surely put a
dent in the feline population. But on Saturday an hour after I
cut the grass a freshly laid Winston appeared. It was about
three inches long and torpedo shaped for anyone thats keeping
track. I thought I was doing well, but it appears I have more work
to do. I've started documenting my captives now for my archives.
Strangely they are all grey with wonky eyes. One theory is that I've
caught the same cat six times. Now, I was assured that these cats
would be taken to a shelter and adopted(I enjoy catching my
furry tormentors, but I don't want to contribute to their deaths).
I'm thinking the animal control guy takes the cats around the
corner and sets them free in the park. Only to find their way back
into my clutches. These cats love hot dogs. They cannot
resist. Who knew?I cut them up into four bite sized pieces and place them into
the trap. At least they get a free hotdog meal before they get
sent off to the shelter/park. I started thinking since these cats
love hot dogs so much, they are willing to climb into a trap,
what would you use to trap me? It probably would be a combo
of beer, cheetos and Princess Leah.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
This is War
Well, maybe more of a territoral skirmish. The feral cat population is out of control in Bayonne. At first I thought the cats are no problem. I'll just get a bin with a lid. No food for them to eat and they won't bother us. My yard has become the neighborhood litter box. They eat my garden and have figured out how to lift the lid on my bin. Paw prints on the windsheild of my newly washed car, but the worst is when they sleep on the front stoop. I feel like they are openly mocking now. Pretty much everyday is a fresh poo on my lawn. Not only is assortment of poo impressive, it's unique. Often as I'm shoveling the poo up I've thought ooh that cat must be sick or ugh, that cat has been eating berries. I don't doubt that some of them could have been a high school art students project. Each digustingly beautiful in their own way.
The final straw came the other night while I was out for a jog/beer I was on my way back home and I turned the corner and came face to face with about eight ferals. They were sitting atop somebody's garbage can. They all looked up in unison with their tails straight up like some bad horror film. I'm embarrassed to say I crossed the street. Looked like a rough crowd. Not one of them broke out in a lovable song about life on the street and I swear one of them gave me the finger. They all watched me cross the street and go into my house. I'm sure they all made plans to go shit on my lawn later that evening. That's it! I've drawn a line in the sand and gone to city hall. They gave me a trap to capture my furry little nemesis.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Follow me on Twitter
Only desperate half rate C listers have twitter accounts. I think I fit the bill, follow me now.
http://twitter.com/RodgeryDick
http://twitter.com/RodgeryDick
Friday, June 26, 2009
Corey Feldman on MJ
Corey Feldman: "I come to you today with great sadness, acknowledging the loss of the greatest entertainer in the history of mankind. For me he was more than that, he was my idol, he was a role model, he was someone to cry to when my childhood was unbearable, he was a brother, he was a dear friend. Unfortunately Michael and I had a falling out on September 10th 2001 and that broken friendship had never been repaired … I am filled with tremendous sadness and remorse. All I choose to remember from this point is the good times we shared and what an inspiration he was to me and the rest of the world. Nobody will ever be able to do what Michael Jackson has done in this industry, and he was so close to doing it all again. I am truly, and deeply sorry for all of the heartbroken fans and supporters worldwide."
King of Pop R.I.P.
What can you say about Michael Jackson? I grew up with him. I had his albums. He made MTV.He had a monkey named Bubbles. He slept in an oxygen chamber. I also wrote him a letter when I was 10. I remember drawing some artwork for him to include on his next album and inviting him to a nice home cooked dinner. I never thought he would show up, but I always kept an eye out (maybe he had gotten so much mail that he didn't have time to read it all. And maybe, after 20 or so years he really wanted to come for dinner.) Well, today he's dead and it's kinda freaked me out. I don't know why, but it feels like a family member has died. A really rich and freaky family member that we never visit, but a still a member of the family. I actually cried when Optimus Prime died. Then as I was flipping channels tonight I got to watch Spock die. Don't stop till you get enough, but live long and prosper.
Death Of Optimus Prime
Death Of Spock
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
New Kitchen Part 2
A month of renovation and its done. New Drywall, new ceiling, 4 recessed lights, new electric, new pendant light, and new floors.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Kitchen Renovation
Welcome to our kitchen of the future. If the future is 1957. The year is 2009 and this was our kitchen.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The New Yankee Stadium
This is a photo from the sears we had at the new Yankee Stadium AKA the house that Jeter built. It looks like a bright new shiny shopping mall next to the real Yankee Stadium. I hate to admit it, but I liked the place. I don't know if it will still have the same mystique as the old stadium but only time will tell. I can tell you that if possible smuggle your own sandwiches and beer in there. The prices are crazy. Two beers and three pretzels are 35 bucks. Seems like price gouging has replaced baseball as the American pasttime.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The House
The new house. Well not so new. Built in 1920. We have done a ton of work already and there is still more to do. I will do some before and after photos soon.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
From The Desk of Rodgery Dick.......
Hello all,
This memo is to inform you that while business has been slow, we will continue as usual and there will be no layoffs. Please continue to keep the common areas and break room clean.
-Rodgery Dick
This memo is to inform you that while business has been slow, we will continue as usual and there will be no layoffs. Please continue to keep the common areas and break room clean.
-Rodgery Dick
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